Augustine: A Eulogy

"People always talk about how children teacch you unconditional love, and it's true."

I wrote this eulogy for a former student with cerebral palsy, who died when I was in grad school.

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I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not there now. I'm sorry I haven't been there this year.


I don't know what is that I need to be telling you now. You're so far away and soon you will be even further.


But as I write this I realize that you have never been far. You have always been present. It is us, the adults, the "mature" guardians who have forgotten how to be present.


When I met you I didn't know what I was suppose to do. How do I educate or work with a student who cannot speak to me? So I had to sit and be present with you. And in being with you and spending time with you, I would learn that you were not silent at all. You spoke mountains and miles, volumes of books to me everyday. In your laughter, sadness, frustration, pain, and unabashed joy I began to realize what it meant to be present. I learned what it meant to try with all of ones' strength because someone asked you to try, to laugh at simple mistakes rather than becoming angry, to stop realize that distractions and games can not replace the power of having someone else sit with you.


When I would tell people I worked with a students with special needs, they talk as if I have taken on some burden, and it made me furious. Yes, I had to wake up 5 days a week and be on the road before the sun was up in order that I could be at school on-time to pick you up. (And if I'm being honest, how many times did I have to text someone because I was late). But on the commute to work I would think about the joy of getting you from the bus and when I was burned out in the morning, I looked forward to my time with you in the afternoons. You were ready to sit and revel in time spent with someone else. I would see you brave difficult therapy and boring school days ready at a moment to slip into a moment of joy and laughter.

The truth is that I have learned from you. As I've grown, I've forgotten how to laugh and love and live the way you did most days. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the days that you were in pain and I didn't know what to do. Please forgive me this as I know only you know how. But you reminded me of all the hopes, dreams, and love that I could not remember and do not know when I am lost.


I'm at grad school now because one day sitting with you I realized that I have no excuse to not try. If you can come to school everyday and live with more love than I know while you endure daily trials, I can do nothing less than strive to be as brave and courageous as you.
I'm here now because of you which is why I cannot be there with you now. But as someone who knows how to be present and in the moment, always you are with me.


I would listen to these lyrics on the way to school in the morning. Thank you for teaching me about all the most important things.


Thank you and I love you

Gracias y Te Amo

+Augustine

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Sara Groves - I can't wait


When you reach the proper age
I will teach you to read and you can turn the pages
How to dress and tie your shoes
Your one plus ones, and your two times two's
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait

As you grow, I'll show you things
How to ride your bike and kick your legs out on the swings
To fold your hands and bow your head
How to say your prayers before you go to bed
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait

How do you sleep so peacefully?
How do you trust unflinchingly?
How do you love so faithfully?
How do you dance so joyfully?


Oh you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that I have lost along the way
And I can't
No I can't
Come teach me
Of love and dreams
And all the most essential things
And all that I have lost along the way
Cause I can't wait


How do you sleep so peacefully?

How do you trust unflinchingly?

How do you love so faithfully?

How do you dance so joyfully?


I can't wait